While in Chinatown, I picked up a bag of fortune cookies to munch on. My first tasty treat, produced some good fortune … “You will do well to expand your business.”

I suddenly remembered a delighfully immature game we used to play while reading our fortunes. Everyone at the table had to add, “…between the sheets” to the end of every fortune.

“You will do well to expand your business between the sheets.”

I grabbed the next cookie to see what else would happen between the sheets.

“Find release from your cares, have a good time between the sheets.”

That was it, I was hooked and had to know what other grand fortunes were in my future.

“Today is a good day for being with a companion between the sheets.”
“Be careful not to overspend this month between the sheets.”
“An upward movement initiated in time can counteract fate between the sheets.”
“You have a friendly heart and are well admired between the sheets.”
“You are only starting on your path to success between the sheets.”
“An admirer finds you very charming between the sheets.”
“Many admire your social and physical appearance between the sheets.”
“You will find hidden treasures where least expected between the sheets.”

Ten fortune cookies on top of lunch made for one hell of a full belly (can we say Buddha). Even if I couldn’t live up to my fortunes that evening … “My happiness was guaranteed … between the sheets.”

Last Sunday afternoon, Tim and I were hanging out at a local watering hole, Big Chicks. Just as Tim stepped away to chat with someone, a guy nearby took that as a cue to approach me. I noticed he had the look of someone on a mission to find a “date” for the evening.

I turned off the landing lights and radiod the tower, announcing it was too dangerous to land. Okay, so I just turned to observe another section of the bar, hopping the encounter could be avoided. My shutle hint went unnoticed and he landed right next to me.

“Hey”, he blurts.
“Howdy”, I mutter, as I realize he was barely able to stand upright causing the Over Served, Under Supervised warning signal to start flashing in my head.
Partially slured, he smiles and says, “You have lovely beady eyes.”
“What?”
He slurs again, “You have such lovely beady eyes.”
“Beady, hungh, usually, I get something like ‘You’ve got lovely brown eyes'”.
He chews on what I just said and then says, “Oh yeah, that’s what I meant, brown”
“Thanks”, I say as I get up to find Tim, “have a lonely night”.

40 Something
stiletto heals
Lace-up Leather Bustier
Leather mini-skirt
New boobies and a few shots of Botox
Gorging on a jumbo shrimp cocktail

Translation: 4SSHLULBLMSNBAAFSOBGOAJSC

4SSHLULBLMSNBAAFSOBGOAJSC: “Oh yeah baby!” [oh so very loudly]
Dinner Companion: “Go girl!”
4SSHLULBLMSNBAAFSOBGOAJSC: “Slap my ass baby … slap my ass”
Dinner Companion: “I would do in a heart beat!”
4SSHLULBLMSNBAAFSOBGOAJSC: [leans over in her chair, her boobs about to pop out of the bustier] “Do it baby, come on, do it”

Traffic in the restaurant ground to a halt as everyone gawked at the train wreck.

I open the door
thick, hot, still air engulfs me
I can’t breath, help me

We got a spontaneous invite to attend the Billy Idol concert last night. The tickets were discounted to ensure the theatre was full while they filmed the concert for a Billy Idol DVD.

I haven’t been paying all that much attention to the music industry. I was pleased to see Billy Idol has been taking care of himself, unlike KC of KC and the Sunshine Band and several other older singers still touring.

Billy Idol has a hot body, loves to strip on stage, and strut around like a proud peacock. What more can you ask for from a performer?

My only question … Where are all the gay rockers hiding?

I exited a store on State Street and ran into a hot urban cowboy This wasn’t your usual urban cowboy. He was carrying the American flag, and telling everyone “Jesus is the answer to salvation”, while strolling down State Street on his horse.

I made a couple of round pillows for our tv chairs. I kept returning home to find the pillows partially flattened and on the floor.

It was all a mystery till yesterday. I was relaxing on the couch and started to hear Sheleata Kanoftuna, our cat, purring in the most seductive manner. Curious, I poked my head over the top of the couch.

Sheleata had dragged the pillow from the chair to the floor. If that wasn’t bad enough, he was on top of the pillow, using his front paws to gently massage it. Some would say, whatever, the cats just playing around.

I don’t think so! While in the act of “massaging” the intensity of his seductive purring grew as his eyes glaze over. I felt dirty and ashamed to be watching this train wreck, yet I couldn’t turn away.

After a short time, Sheleata stopped his “massaging”, stepped off the pillow and walked away. I’m sure in pursuit of a cigarette.

My mop has been out of control the last week. I wandered over to the local barber for snip after lunch. While my barber was working her magic, an elderly man carrying a clipboard entered the shop greeting everyone.

The gentleman sat across from me and pulled out a sketch pencil. He looked up and asked if he could draw my picture. I teetered between that deer in headlights expression and blurting out “that pick-up line won’t work on me anymore”.

Being the polite boy I am (most of the time), I responded with “sure, why not”, secretly wondering if he will ask me home to see his collection of etchings.

We help to rescue the latest addition to the family, Buster. Although he has been a part of our zoo for a bit, some of his quirks still make laugh.

We have discovered, Buster is easily startled. This afternoon, while lounging next to me in his dog bed, the little 12 pound wonder lets out one hell of a loud fart. At the sound of his own fart, Buster jumped from his bed and chased his noisy butt for a few moments.

I just don’t know where the time goes…I woke up and realized 40 is around the corner and my belly is more like Buddha than I would like.