After we made the move to our new digs in the West Loop of Chicago, things in Lake Forest start to get interesting. Lake Forest just created a kid-free zone on their “public” beach. Actually, it’s even a step further and no one under 21 is allowed.

My first thought is, how do you keep folks under 21 from wandering onto a portion of the beach? I wonder if it will be self regulated or has a barrier of some sort has been erected and one of the beach staff is checking id’s to verify you are over 21.

Has Lake Forest thought of the potential consequences of such a change? Here are a few:

• A fake id ring will be surface for those teens desperate to get into the forbidden “over 21 Zone”.
• With no children present, adults may strip down thinking it is clothing optional.
• Mothers, angered by the ban, might stage a series of protests (a breast feeding sit-in, dig tunnels to the other side and sneak their kids over to run about and shout or chant something like “Hey, Hey Let our kids play!”)
• Horny adults might engage in amorous adventures on the beach

I may have Tim pick up a few issues of the Lake Forester so I can read the police blotter. I am certain this controversy will push housewives and nannies over the edge and an all out war may even erupt. Perhaps I should pack my skimpiest trunks and head up the beach to watch the action first hand.

Sometimes the nice guys just don’t get the dirty – Anthony Dornacher

“Lola, you know you are not allowed to lick your own genitals in public”

My comment: “If that’s the case, is it okay to lick someone else’s genitals in public?”

I must say this is one of those things that makes you go hmmm or is it mmmm…mmmm…good. I thought, at first, it was some kind of crazy trend morning porn viewers started; then I thought it was a local porn theatre gimmick to entice early visitors by serving up pancakes.

To my surprise it was nothing of the sort, although still outrageous. Try this on for size … A group of ex-porn insiders, turned preachers, form a new church called the XXX Church. Next they launch a sexy website then start traveling around the country hosting discussions about porn while eating pancakes slathered in syrup.

So far, no porn and pancake breakfasts are scheduled in the Chicago area.

A friend of a friend just lost her job. (Yeah, I know that sounds like the rest of the post will be full of crap. I have meet this “friend of a friend” a couple of times and her dilemma doesn’t surprise me.) A couple of months ago, she had scheduled breast augmentation surgery and made a non-refundable deposit.

The question of the day … After loosing your job, do you cancel the boob job and forfeit the deposit so you can eat or skip the food and get a new rack?

I vote for the new boobs … if you eat less, the new boobs will look even bigger. More boob for the buck.

She was in agreement and went ahead with the surgery. Along with her inquiry to friends about possible job openings, she sent a picture of her new boobs and an update on the healing.

If someone made veggie porn, this guy is the perfect candidate.

Once, Twice, Three Times – This FAGGOT is Pissed

He sighed and told me
It happened again
Another drive by

“Fucking Faggot!”
My anger bubbles
My shoulders tense

How does he remain calm?
I take deep breaths
To calm my boiling rage

As I regain my composure
My shoulders relax
Then I realize …

I’m still really pissed off

Friday night may signal our demise as a Superpower and the true decline of down home family values.

Beginning Friday, the Las Vegas Marriage Bureau ended it’s era of 24 hour weddings on Friday and Saturday nights. Someone tell me how will a celebrity can get discretely married? How can the average Joe have a spontaneous wedding to his true love, the cocktail waitress he met at the craps table?

It is a sign, the beginning of the end.

FAGGOT

A car drives past
A young man shouts
“FAGGOT”

Another word
Just like any other word.
Or is it?

A rainbow of emotions and questions …
Fear … Will they become violent?
Shock … How can this happen here?

Those thoughts flash in my mind
That flash is gone
Now it’s ANGER

Or is it RAGE
How dare that man call me a “FAGGOT”
He’s not a man … He’s a coward

Hiding in his car
Shouting “FAGGOT” while driving by
Frightened little coward

Every time I think about it
The RAGE
Surges within me

The RAGE frightens me
More than the coward
Who yelled “Faggot”

I take another deep, slow breath
Letting go of the rage
After all, faggot is just another word