I am amused at the graffiti I found at the end of a pier near Grant Park.
I am still wondering if it was added by a militant homo or a jilted straight guy?
Author Archives: Tony Dornacher
Assumptions Breed Shame
After returning to Chicago, my spouse and I lived in Lake Forest, one of those exclusive suburbs on Chicago’s North Shore. Our temporary gig turned into a multi-year suburban adventure while we waited for the building we pre-purchased a condo in to break ground. The condo project, delayed a number of times was finally canceled. Eager to migrate to the city, Tim and I hit the streets, looking for another condo in Chicago’s West Loop neighborhood.
Expecting our stay to be short, Tim and I didn’t own the place we occupied in Lake Forest. We took advantage of an employee benefit and rented a place near Tim’s office.
As we explored our old haunts in the city and began to meet folks, the question, “Where do you live?”, would bubble up. I would answer “Lake Forest, at the moment.”
Reactions to my response were never dull. I often saw a shift in how the person treated me, sometimes subtle, more often like the swift slap of an angry parent. The person I was chatting with now saw me through a “Lake Forest filter”, complete with their large set of designer baggage. It didn’t matter what came out of my mouth next or even that I felt like an outsider in the community where I lived. The filter was now on and I was a Lake Forest fag.
I was chatting with the clerk in Target the other day. Somehow she figured out I was new to the store and asked where I was from. I paused, and replied “I moved recently from Atlanta.”
After leaving the store, I contemplated why I said Atlanta. Tim and I have been back in Chicago for more than three years. As I chewed on that for a bit, I realized I was ashamed of my time in Lake Forest. All of the raised eyebrow responses and negative reactions to my living in Lake Forest had clouded that journey with shame.
I’ve never felt shame about a place I’ve lived, till now. The experience has been enlightening and I hope to keep my filters at bay and have an open mind the next time I ask the question, “Where are you from?”.
Easter Is Cancelled
Easter Cancelled; Children Devastated; Parents Mortified
Easter was cancelled after Mr. Easter Bunny was found dead on Highland Road in Richmond, London, UK. Mr. Bunny was performing his Easter-eve duties, hiding colored eggs for all the children, when he was struck by a motorist late last night. The Coroner at the scene said Mr. Bunny didn’t suffer and most likely died on impact. The driver is still being sought for questioning.
A source close to the family said Mr. Bunny had been feeling overwhelmed and anxious at the alarming increase in the number of children over the last few years. He often talked about how difficult it was to hide all the eggs and deliver all the chocolate for so many children.
Mr. & Mrs. Bunny had no children of their own. There is speculation Mr. Bunny was sterile or suffered from erectile dysfunction. Another source close to the family mentioned Mr. & Mrs. Bunny were exploring alternate options including donations from the Bunny Sperm Bank.
The autopsy findings revealed Mr. Bunny had a blood alcohol level of 2.1. In addition, a significant amount of barbiturates and stimulants were found in his blood. Parents, first sad to hear of Mr. Bunny’s death, are mortified to discover he was an alcoholic and addicted to prescription dolls. The mood is somber as parents contemplate how to tell the children there will no more Easter eggs and chocolate and that Mr. Bunny was a pill popping drunk.
Klassy
I will admit, I still enjoy a bit of toilet humor. The other day a friend shared with me an important phrase.
Beef ghost – the fart essence in an elevator left by you or the previous occupant.
The Formula
Blockbuster movies and books all seem to use the same formula.
- Love interest
- Action
- Some pseudo sex
- More action
- Then everyone lives happily ever after
All of the above are timed perfectly to a great music score and fantastic visual effects.
The books fly off the shelves and people flock to the theatres. I often get caught up in the flurry and when the storm clears I ponder its blockbuster status?
Do we need to escape the reality of our troubled world? Are we numb to the formula? Do computers, reality television or something else sap our brains, creating mindless zombies?
I am certain; once I find the right music score, the rest of my life will fall into place.
Lola, you naughty girl
“Lola, you know you are not allowed to lick your own genitals in public”
My comment: “If that’s the case, is it okay to lick someone else’s genitals in public?”
It’s a Small World
My social life in Chicago during the late 80’s and early 90’s was robust. I was, as they say, a man about town with a vast entourage of friends and acquaintances. During our travels, after moving to Atlanta, Tim and I would bump into random folks from my former Chicago days.
During our early return visits to Chicago, I would often hold court in Sidetrack, catching up with members of my entourage. Then it happened in San Francisco. Tim and I wandered into one of those “classy” Castro adult toy stores and were greeted with “Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Tony, what the hell are you doing in San Francisco, and in my porn store?” A welcome so robust, all of the patrons turned to see if the latest porn celebrity had just walked through door.
Then again, during our recent trip to Costa Rica. We wandered into Cafe Mundo for dinner. I was the last of our group to enter the dinning room. As the host turned, he looked at me and his jaw dropped and blurted, “Oh my God!, Tony, is that you?”. My dinning companions were riveted. “Why, yes”, I replied, attempting to quickly place the voice, face and finally summon his name. He couldn’t contain his excitement, “It’s Ray, we dated for a bit in Chicago.” My neurons made the connection; I introduced him to my companions and proceeded to chat away, drawing out the details of his life in last 15 years.
“It’s a small world” – those magical lyrics truly resonate for me and I wonder where I will see another member of my entourage?
After the XXX Church
After checking out the XXX Church, I had some inspiration …
The magical treat
PORN – gay, straight, bi – I don’t care
Show the money shot
Porn and Pancakes?
I must say this is one of those things that makes you go hmmm or is it mmmm…mmmm…good. I thought, at first, it was some kind of crazy trend morning porn viewers started; then I thought it was a local porn theatre gimmick to entice early visitors by serving up pancakes.
To my surprise it was nothing of the sort, although still outrageous. Try this on for size … A group of ex-porn insiders, turned preachers, form a new church called the XXX Church. Next they launch a sexy website then start traveling around the country hosting discussions about porn while eating pancakes slathered in syrup.
So far, no porn and pancake breakfasts are scheduled in the Chicago area.
Highway Boobrobbery
A Las Vegas showgirl gets a mere $50 per week to go topless during the show. Let’s just see how much each boob is worth …
$50.00 boob bonus @ week
12 shows @ week
$4.00 @ show
$2.00 @ boob @ show
That isn’t even enough to make the payments on a new set of boobs, the very asset bringing in the extra bucks. Plain and simple, “highway boobrobbery”.