Author Archives: Tony Dornacher

Direct Mail Marketing Gone Bad

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I’m a CVS/pharmacy ExtraCare frequent shopper program success story. If I need it, they sell it and the price is decent, I go out of my way to buy it at CVS/pharmacy for the ExtraCare bucks. In addition, I keep my profile updated and provide answers to occasional demographic questions.

Every so often, I receive product samples from CVS/pharmacy. Most of the time, the samples are on the money. Today, however, it is direct mail marketing gone bad.

I opened the box to find an informative booklet about Kotex Ultra Thin Pads with Wings, a coupon and free sample. I would have thought it was a joke sent by a friend had the box not been in pristine condition. I chuckled and wondered why I was targeted to receive this particular free sample.

I wait with baited breath for the next box.

Under the Influence

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I bought it Saturday. Not at midnight like our friends. Tim and I were visiting Bob and Tom in Lowell, Indiana. I saw the book in the Alco Discount Store. No line, and still $10.00 off. How could I resist.

I was so strong, glancing at the book from time to time over the weekend and during the week. Ignoring the begging of my Potter-head friends in Atlanta to get started. I resisted the urges. Wednesday, I thought I heard the book whisper to me.

Early Thursday morning I finished Grave Peril by Jim Butter. I started reading it before Harry Potter and was determined not to set it aside. I was strong that morning, keeping clear of the Deathly Hallows.

I’m not sure how it happened. My aching bladder snapped me out of the fog. I was on page 43.

By god, I am under the influence.

Just one of those days

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Every so often I have one of those days. Not a day where everything goes right or everything goes wrong, but a day where I end up bruised and achy.

I knew it was one of those days where I turned around and bump into the counter, stubed my toe on the dog dish, droped the tub of frozen cookie dough on my foot, had my privates accidentally clawed when the cat jumped in my lap and hit the door while carrying a load of laundry. All that in the first two hours of my day.

I contemplated crawling back into bed. Then I realized that wouldn’t be safe. The dog would probably jump on me or scratch my face trying to get me to play. I took a deep breath, put some band-aids in my pocket and forged forth. The only thing I plan to avoid is operation of heavy machinery.

What’s next? Topless?

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After we made the move to our new digs in the West Loop of Chicago, things in Lake Forest start to get interesting. Lake Forest just created a kid-free zone on their “public” beach. Actually, it’s even a step further and no one under 21 is allowed.

My first thought is, how do you keep folks under 21 from wandering onto a portion of the beach? I wonder if it will be self regulated or has a barrier of some sort has been erected and one of the beach staff is checking id’s to verify you are over 21.

Has Lake Forest thought of the potential consequences of such a change? Here are a few:

  • A fake id ring will be surface for those teens desperate to get into the forbidden “over 21 Zone”.
  • With no children present, adults may strip down thinking it is clothing optional.
  • Mothers, angered by the ban, might stage a series of protests (a breast feeding sit-in, dig tunnels to the other side and sneak their kids over to run about and shout or chant something like “Hey, Hey Let our kids play!”)
  • Horny adults might engage in amorous adventures on the beach

I may have Tim pick up a few issues of the Lake Forester so I can read the police blotter. I am certain this controversy will push housewives and nannies over the edge and an all out war may even erupt. Perhaps I should pack my skimpiest trunks and head up the beach to watch the action first hand.