Author Archives: Tony Dornacher

The Path of Sale-vation

Posted on by

In today’s real estate market, I figure every little thing you do will make a difference.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve dusted, cleaned, de-cluttered, purged, de-gayed and hired one heck of a real estate agent.

Sometimes, you just need to do more.  Today I did just that.  I took a step back and embraced my roots.  Google set me on the path to salvation and all things Catholic.

I ordered my St. Joseph statue and guide book tonight.  Saturday I will find a worthy plant  so St. Joseph can take his place on the patio, buried upside down, facing the condo.

St. Joseph, I pray for your safe and speedy delivery.

Your humble servant

The way to a man’s heart ain’t through his stomach …

Posted on by

Some say desperate economic times call for desperate measures.  I take a more positive approach and feel recessions bring out the most interesting innovations to help stimulate spending among the male population.

Hooters put it all out there many years ago and more business are looking for ways to incorporate scantily clad ladies to get straight guys to open their wallets.  Beyond the Hooters Girls, you can now find baristas in bathing suits and lingerie clad hairdressers.

I wonder if Walmart will jump on the bandwagon?  That certainly would add a whole new level to the The People of Walmart.

Happy 24th Oprah

Posted on by

I am trying to get my arms around the Oprah show celebrating its 24th season. A hearty congratulations Oprah!

I am amazed at what Oprah has accomplished over the years. I never thought her reign over day time television would fade. It seems, the veneer may be cracking.

I hear viewership has dipped below 7 million and her current Neilsen ratings dropped below the ratings of her first year.

Some say she is out of touch with her audience. Others are worried she is not attracting a younger audience. I suspect it is a combination of both and a few other things thrown in for flavoring.

Oprah is smart and sassy. I wonder if she will take Madonna’s lead and transform herself?

Back to School Basics

Posted on by

While working on the list of essentials for your college bound kid, don’t forget to add the hottest trend since tie-dye and bell bottoms.

The Collegiate Snuggie craze is sweeping across America. Very soon, every college kid will be begging for one of these sexy blankets to keep toasty warm and show off their team spirit.

I suggest getting ahead of the game and surprise your kid today!

Buy It thump thump Buy It

Posted on by

Before Michael Jackson’s untimely death has fans and admirers snapped up a number of personal items at a recent auction. Now they are running to the store or tapping the keyboard to purchase his work. A recent New York Times article reported, more than 400,000 Michael Jackson albums were sold last week.

I wonder how long it will take his estate to release the Greatest Hits album? I am sure that will be followed up with several albums of “never heard” or “recently uncovered” songs.

I hope my family will be able to profit from my death. They can start with selling my belongings, including doodles and various journals. I will be sure to leave plenty of dirty underwear in the hamper. One never knows how much you could get for those on eBay.

Quizno’s | “Toasty Torpedo”

Posted on by

I felt so dirty watching the commercial over and over again, I had no idea a sultry toaster oven and toasty torpedo could be so alluring. I need to attend church and confess my sins.

I wonder if the audience is gay men or just playing to the male obsession to show off and talk about their giant torpedo?

I suppose it doesn’t matter. Why would anyone deny themselves a toasty torpedo when it offers a foot long of gratification and costs less then one of those little Blue pills?

Pets Ride Fur-st Class

Posted on by

I will admit it … I think I pamper my pooches a bit too much. They get plenty of tasty treats, a few toys, meaty bones now and lots of lap time.

With the launch of Pet Airways, my pampering looks like animal abuse. When you book your pooch on Pet Airways, they get to ride in a private pet carrier in the main cabin. They even get a dedicated Pet Attendant during their flight!

That is better treatment then I got on my recent jam packed flight to Orlando. Perhaps I should consider dressing up in a poodle costume for my next trip.

Found Fortune

Posted on by

This morning I was in the mood to clean out some junk in my trunk. When I picked up the pile of papers on my dresser to sort through, a small slip fell to the floor. I recognized the size and shape and retrieved it. I flipped it over to read my long lost fortune.

“You will be fortunate in the opportunities presented to you.”

It may seem like a silly generic statement to many. At this moment in my life, that simple generic statement packs one heck of a punch. Three cheers for found fortune!