Easter Cancelled; Children Devastated; Parents Mortified
Easter was cancelled after Mr. Easter Bunny was found dead on Highland Road in Richmond, London, UK. Mr. Bunny was performing his Easter-eve duties, hiding colored eggs for all the children, when he was struck by a motorist late last night. The Coroner at the scene said Mr. Bunny didn’t suffer and most likely died on impact. The driver is still being sought for questioning.
A source close to the family said Mr. Bunny had been feeling overwhelmed and anxious at the alarming increase in the number of children over the last few years. He often talked about how difficult it was to hide all the eggs and deliver all the chocolate for so many children.
Mr. & Mrs. Bunny had no children of their own. There is speculation Mr. Bunny was sterile or suffered from erectile dysfunction. Another source close to the family mentioned Mr. & Mrs. Bunny were exploring alternate options including donations from the Bunny Sperm Bank.
The autopsy findings revealed Mr. Bunny had a blood alcohol level of 2.1. In addition, a significant amount of barbiturates and stimulants were found in his blood. Parents, first sad to hear of Mr. Bunny’s death, are mortified to discover he was an alcoholic and addicted to prescription dolls. The mood is somber as parents contemplate how to tell the children there will no more Easter eggs and chocolate and that Mr. Bunny was a pill popping drunk.
This is terribly cruel, but when my cousin was about 4, we actually had rabbit for Easter. A rabbit my uncle had shot and killed himself. Now most everyone was kind and sensitive and told my cousin it was chicken, but my uncle was a mean drunk and after he had a few in him, started teasing her that she had eaten the Easter Bunny. She got hysterical and puked everywhere. I blame this incident for sending her down a long road of bulemia….