Gaydar on the Fritz

As time ticks on, the black and white of sexuality continues to blur. I recall fondly the days when I could pick out a gay man at 20 paces. My gaydar, always vigilant, searching the crowds for another like minded soul.

Though, the other day, I thought my gaydar was in need of repair. While walking LongJohn and Buster, our resident man-magnets, I bumped into a guy moving in. My gaydar was on high alert and suddenly started flashing code pink when his painted toenails came into view. After our introduction and some polite chit-chat, the alert was over and the gray false alarm light was burning brightly.

I said my goodbyes and headed back up the block with animals in tow. My head was spinning, silver glitter toenails flashing in front of me. I hope the image will not be permanently burned in like images in a monitor without a screensaver.

The Bravo program, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy with the Fab Five, take everything one step further by sharing our “gay secrets”. I always thought, like magicians, when you receive your “gay card”, you are bound by a vow to never reveal the secrets you learn. I wonder, as the Fab Five reveal those “gay secrets”, will my gaydar give me more incorrect readings?

I go about my business wondering where I can get a gaydar check-up? Do I call my Dr. and ask him if there is anything he can do? Perhaps, there is a clinic or retreat for others like me? Or, am I just in need of a upgrade?

As I relax, sipping a Cosmopolitan, I chew on the possibility of retiring my gaydar? What is so wrong with melding the best qualities of gay and straight men? It would create a fantastic hybrid ... the super straight-gay or gay-straight man ... and continue to breakdown those stereotypes that destroy communities. Sounds like the next evolution for man.